one stop to heaven

Every sigh,every tear,each moment of total emptiness. Makes me regret the single thought of giving it another chance and hope.

))))))))):
I wished I can be a rainbow.

Am I not as pretty as her

Am I not as sweet  like how she was to you

Is my heart too broken

Do I cry too much

Am I too outspoken

Or am I too pushy

Does she make you laugh,

Dont I?

I dont have a captivating smile like her

I dont speak her words

I dont have her niceness

I’m just not good enough.

I almost lost myself, only a second away from falling into a pit full of darkness again. Thank god, you reminded me how you were/ are. You will always be you, unchanged. And I’m really glad I’m back on track now, hopefully (: The things you told me, truely let me understand what we’ve been going thru and how we’ll never rewind back again cause it aint worth any moment. Because you will never change. It’s in you, your personality which I detest sometimes.

You’re not a good obsession. I dont want you hiding at the corner of my mind, only appearing when I’m half conscious. I dont enjoy everyday because of you. Please go away. Let me off.

I hate December. I hate 24th. I hate 31st even more.

Happy boxing day (:

Christmas was almost a disaster. fuck it man.

Birthday’s in about six weeks.I’m not excited about it I’m more excited about cny acty. ($$$)

The bbq pit is still outside my house, unwashed.(waiting for my father to do the job instead :/ )

A really special day is coming soon, and I have mixed feelings about it.

New year is coming, totally not looking forward to it.

But i cant get over this year as well, it has been hell for me take note.

I feel like eating hot double choc brownie cake.

I think I need mahjong sessions.

I’m pretty much surviving around here (:

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Turn around, and hide away. It doesnt matter whether I cried or not, cause all I want is to be in my own comfort zone. The past has been marked down, and will always be. It’ll continue to haunt me even in the presence of the both of them thus I will walk away from commitments, walk away from the rights , walk away from whom I hold so precious and only stop when I dont give a fuck.

I’m pretty amazed by my own emotions actually. Even though it has been controlling me, letting me feel how it’s like to be in hell, making me do things which I actually dont wanna do, I quite like my carefree status now. Yet everything about me is so complicated but I do whatever I want to. Call me fickle, or a biatch. I like it.

Results out in 50 mins, and I dont understand why I cant sleep. It’s not like i bother abt my results, just a little bit. I’m gna call the special one now and make him talk to me. Good luck to nus ppl!

My mum is annoying fullstop.

Exactly the same scene. Again and again.

I’ve messed up my life, and people’s lives. Just because for a moment, I wanna do what I thought it’s not wrong. Just because for the first time, I wanna put myself before others, I’ve screwed up again. Been pampered once, been abandoned many times. I’d rather go back before 2008, when nothing else lives in me, just myself.

Right now, the thoughts are swimming around in my mind but I cant seem to pen them down. I just woke up in the evening and yet I feel tired from doing nothing. Mundane life I have.

What I need today is just a dosage of mahjong! I really need to get things off my mind. Mahjong totally does the job hahaha. I slept like 8plus in the morning, and I’m feeling way too off to be alive for the day. I feel like a vampire, being so energetic and alive only in the night. So many things on my mind, but I m so confused. I know exactly how i’m feeling but i dont wanna make a decision, or rather make the wrong decision. I dont want to be bombarded by questions either. Sian, it’s time to hit the mahjong table.hahaha.